"I need you to breathe."

This week’s topic for reflection is “I need you to breathe.” About half way through the thirty minute cataract surgery to replace the lens in my eye, the surgeon said, “I need you to breathe.” I hadn’t noticed I wasn’t breathing so I started to slowly breathe again. This helped with my anxiety during the fully conscious procedure with my eye wide open. All I needed to do was not move, relax and breathe. Also to trust my doctor and the team supporting her.

My sight and eyes are held as being existentially important to me. Rationally I knew this procedure had a very low potential for damage to my sight and still my body reacted defensively. It felt instinctual to tighten my body and mind against a perceived threat. When this conflict between the rational and instinctual occured, I could intentionally choose to gently breathe and relax. I could then encourage a still body and gentle, open mind in the midst of surgery where I didn’t know what they were doing and I had no control. My role was to simply keep breathing.

Breathing is one of the most important tools we have when life becomes challenging. This is true for small challenges and large ones. Conscious breathing helps us to be steady and confident. Not confident of knowing what will happen or knowing we are in charge but steady in terms of facing the situation and even welcoming it. A calm breath will help us be able to see what our options might be. Perhaps there might be a possibility for kindness. A gentle breath creates a little space. A little space that is not in a hurry. A little space that says I can deal with this. This may not go well but I can deal with that too.

In a truly humble way, the breath is so simple and yet so important and powerful. The breath is more powerful than the strongest ego and self-consciousness, ours or someone else's. The breath is a window or doorway into the most profound truth. Being alive and embodied we always have the breath available to us. Get to know your breath really well.

Thank you Dr. Kuhn for reminding me, “I need you to breathe.”

Please join us for morning Zoom zazen from 7:00 to 7:30 Tuesday and Thursday, and Sunday morning Zoom zazen and discussion of the topic for reflection blog from 8:00 to 9:00 Pacific Time. Here’s the Zoom link:

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81161003357?pwd=M0gwRjBENHZDbndUcFRrK004NlQ5Zz09

Meeting ID: 811 6100 3357

Passcode: 278259

Gassho,

Futai